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Gently:

 
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swift



Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 165



PostPosted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:04 pm    Post subject: Gently:  Reply with quote

A conversation with one of the daughters:
Me: Well it so happens i met a very charming lady, at the senior centre. She sings in the choir and a week or so ago i asked her if they did "perhaps love" with John Denver and Placido Domingo. Just Friday i told her i was going to be a spectator at Mondays choir practice and asked if she had a computer.
The Lady: Why yes but am not really good with it.
Me: on any search engine type perhaps love and you will have a choice of nine or ten versions, the Carnegie Hall one is good and there is another than shows a lot of good scenery, one of the photographs is a scene from Scotland.
The Lady: Thank you and I will ask my partner to show it to me.
The Daughter: you got shot down.
me: a heavy sigh and, I suppose, but she did it so gently.
swift
am hopin it isnae the start of a trend.
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dosser



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 676



PostPosted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is certain things ye cannae and shuildnae mention wi' a targetted seducee, an' computers is wan o' them. It suggests ye're inta porn or, wurse still, that ye unnerstaun computers.

Ye cuild, hoo-ever, o' intriqued her and, at ra same time, roused her tenderly, charitable, nursy-like feelings by explainin' that ye only own a computer so's ye can buy Viagra oan ra internet. Ah promise ye, thon line o' attack will w**k............ but Ah cannae promise that ra internet-Viagra will.
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swift



Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 165



PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:43 am    Post subject: Gently: Reply with quote

Dosser:
That is probably very guid advice...oan the ithur haun, comin frae a sage like yursel it has tae be highly rated.
swift
PS ah'm jist a wee bit confused aboot the porn....ur ye really sayin that folk sometimes get a computer for ithur reasons ?
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Celyn



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 554


Location: Glasgow

PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah, you are as believer of this message, that the internet was made for porn.

Only it's not true.  The internet was made for cute wee pictures of animals.  Especially cats.  Puppy dogs and pandas are also welcomed.  Boring things like wee fishes, not so much.  (This is why Heidie is in a permanently bad mood).   Smile   Goats and pigs and ponies are also OK.  And ferrets and stuff.  Elephants, even.

I suppose, in deference to Senga's sensibilities, it would be wrong to mention rabbits, sweet wee furry harmless beasties that they are?  Oh look, too late.  I've done it now.
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Celyn



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 554


Location: Glasgow

PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

dosser wrote:
There is certain things ye cannae and shuildnae mention wi' a targetted seducee, an' computers is wan o' them. It suggests ye're inta porn or, wurse still, that ye unnerstaun computers...


Naw, you got that one wrong.  Understanding computers would be a VERY good selling point.  Except if your intended thought "wait a wee minute here:  NAEBODY understand computers, so this charming swain is but a lying rogue, a scoundrel, a blackguard and all that.   Whatever a blackguard is.
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Celyn



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 554


Location: Glasgow

PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deleted duplicate post.

Last edited by Celyn on Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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swift



Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 165



PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:23 pm    Post subject: gently Reply with quote

Blackguard:
That wid be Alan Paige. Played the defensive line for the Minnesota Vikings; number 88 ah think.
swift
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Fey Hag



Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 749


Location: Sealainn Nuadh Dawn's Birth Place

PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 5:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If yir talkin tae a mature wumin gerdens ar a guid start, yea soond like a weirkin provider.
Computers make yea soond like a time waster.
Ainly tryin tae hep Razz
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swift



Joined: 09 May 2009
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 10:40 am    Post subject: gently: Reply with quote

Fey:
Seein as yursel has the maist seniority oan the planet am gonnae assume that you are the wisest and maist reliable advice giver, sooooooooo
Am thinkin ah new approach, one that wid definitely appeal tae the motherin instincts of every mature wooman....
Let us say that i meet a fair, unattached, pleasant, charmin female, one with a pulse wid dae nicely. And let us say that she has agreed tae a cup of tea (the age of miracles may not have passed).
As we are havin oor tea i admit tae bein a wee bit concerned aboot a private matter. She wid say, "is there anything i can do" and i say, "well it did cross my mind that you might have a few doubts" and she wid gie me a smile that exudid confidence and say, "tell me what the problem is".
Issis when i should say, "well it has been a long, long time and am no sure that wullie is in perfect workin order".
swift
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peony



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 30


Location: Sugar Land, Texas

PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 4:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It might make her think your sheep is broken.  Wink
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Fey Hag



Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 749


Location: Sealainn Nuadh Dawn's Birth Place

PostPosted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

peony wrote:
It might make her think your sheep is broken.  Wink


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swift



Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 165



PostPosted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 12:26 pm    Post subject: gently: Reply with quote

Fey Hag wrote:
peony wrote:
It might make her think your sheep is broken.  Wink



Only in America, ladies.
swift

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