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Joke threed..no neccesarilie in guid taste eethuur!
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Boudleaux C Merkin



Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 294


Location: Meresig

PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:57 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote

When I was sent the "joke" by email I realised, having had spent four years living and w*rking in Iran,  that Iranians are not Arabs but rather than altering it , and being the lazy bastirt thit Ah um, Ah posted it as it wiz. Silly me.
Ah kin confirm  whit Neil and swift huv posted. The present Mrs Merkin and mahsel still use the odd farsi wurd in oor conversation efter a' these years. It is an Indo-European language and totally different frae Arabic, though the Koran is , of course , written in Arabic which is God's tongue. Wan o' mah copies o' the Koran, thit Ah bought in Tehran, is Arabic/English.
If we wanted tae niggle oor Iranian pals we wid ca' thum an Arab. Efter a while they didnae rise tae the bait. The Iranians thit Ah trained and w*rked wi' were , wi' few exceptions, really nice guys ... nae wimmen, wiznae allowed - and hud a guid sense o' humour.
They wid huv laughed at the "joke."
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notanimby



Joined: 21 May 2009
Posts: 575


Location: South Of The River, Doon Inverclyde Way

PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 8:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

THE JACKSON FIVE


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AG



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 324



PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:

They wid huv laughed at the "joke."


Well ah thought it wis quite funny. Gonny lighten up Neil. That sorta stuff killed thon other place.
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swift



Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 165



PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 4:16 pm    Post subject: joke thread ? Reply with quote

Really ?
swift
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Hollowhorn



Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 129


Location: Paisley

PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 5:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great stuff, Dosser, had me laffin' out loud.  Laughing
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ayrshiretattie



Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 296


Location: bumpkinland

PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

AG wrote:
Quote:

They wid huv laughed at the "joke."


Well ah thought it wis quite funny. Gonny lighten up Neil. That sorta stuff killed thon other place.


Um, confused. (normal state of affairs for me in this place!) - Who are you quoting there, AG?
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Clash



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 313


Location: Brisbane

PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 7:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dinny fash ayrshire: it wis chust Auldie forgetting fur a minute that Neil is the wan fur keeping us on our toes wi pedantics.

I think the "other place" AG wis referring to disny really exist any mair.  Twisted Evil
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ayrshiretattie



Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 296


Location: bumpkinland

PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 9:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Clash wrote:
Dinny fash ayrshire: it wis chust Auldie forgetting fur a minute that Neil is the wan fur keeping us on our toes wi pedantics.

Very Happy

Quote:
I think the "other place" AG wis referring to disny really exist any mair.  Twisted Evil

Question
Well, now there would be a boon anna blessing to men (and wimmin)
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Boudleaux C Merkin



Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 294


Location: Meresig

PostPosted: Sat Aug 08, 2009 10:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not to menshun the Pickwick the Owl and the Waverley pen. Smile
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Heidy



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 969


Location: North o th' river

PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different c o c k,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
#



is is ridikliss huvin tae edit iss cos ra bot takes away ra meanin o ra joke...fuxake! Sad
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swift



Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 165



PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:19 pm    Post subject: topic: Reply with quote

Heidy:
I think that the c o c k added a bit. I visualized a bronzed, over the hill, failed hotelier, hauf marathoner noo turned chicken farmer, glancin aroond and very quietly spelling the word.
tam

and mibee the woman strokin the inside of his thigh when she says, "what a co-incidence".

and and, him being overcome and fallin off the bar stool in a deid faint, because this had never happened tae him in his entire life
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Boudleaux C Merkin



Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 294


Location: Meresig

PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 7:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You've goat a durty mind, tam. Shocked
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swift



Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 165



PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 8:43 pm    Post subject: jokes: Reply with quote

Boudleaux:
Thon is music tae mah ears. You are a nice man, soyeare.
tam
PS did i ever post oan the same site as yurself ? I dae enjoy readin yur posts and i have made a wrong guess as tae another identity thit ye might have used at one time.
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Boudleaux C Merkin



Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 294


Location: Meresig

PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 6:30 pm    Post subject: Re: jokes: Reply with quote

swift wrote:
Boudleaux:
Thon is music tae mah ears. You are a nice man, soyeare.
tam
PS did i ever post oan the same site as yurself ? I dae enjoy readin yur posts and i have made a wrong guess as tae another identity thit ye might have used at one time.


Boudleaux C Merkin has been my nomme de cyber for many years now. My real name ( Sir Vivian Horse-Posture ) I shall never reveal, as certain people may have to die as a consequence of such knowledge.
Regarding yourself, my dear tam, all I can tell you is that my people have thoroughly checked your antecedents - the reason for your hasty departure from the land of our birth to the frozen wastes need concern no-one but ourselves - and the Strathclyde CID  of course. Live and let live, that's what I say.
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AG



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 324



PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 8:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Three doon, three tae go
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Heidy



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 969


Location: North o th' river

PostPosted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 12:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So Paddy asks Murphy:  "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which Murphy replies:

"You thick idiot  -  If they fell forwards they'd still be in the f*****g boat
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Heidy



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 969


Location: North o th' river

PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 7:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Last Penny

   A father walks into a restaurant with his young son and gives the young boy 3 pennies to play with to keep him occupied.

   Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.

   The boy coughs up 2 of the pennies, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

   A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant..

   Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

   Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the penny to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

   As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

   'No,' the woman replied. 'I'm with the Inland Revenue.'


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