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Ra Lekii's Couch.........
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Heidy



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 969


Location: North o th' river

PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2009 1:06 pm    Post subject: Ra Lekii's Couch.........  Reply with quote

Jist tae let yese know that ra wee couch at ra back o ma shed here is opin tae those o yese wi problims o ra mind an life annat.......
Ma great experience wi things infinit is availibil tae yese aw...Iss offir disny apply tae Clashie boay cos he disny huv a mind or a life o his ain,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,




Puir currint that he is.............. aw say Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  Rolling Eyes
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Hollowhorn



Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 129


Location: Paisley

PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2009 6:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hullo err, Heidy. Wanna ma light bulbs hus went oot, ma kwestyin tae yoo is, see as how ah cum fae Paisley annat, how minny nayburs wull ah need tae get in tae help me chinge it?  Confused
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SengaMcp
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Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 904



PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2009 6:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Doctur,

Sum fool gied us a cupla gerbils. Thur baith males and seriously in hate wi wan anither. Shuid ah jist let thum get oan wi thur Glesca kissin, ur separate thum?
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Heidy



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 969


Location: North o th' river

PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2009 7:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

fur ra paisley lepuur...Ah wid recomend gettin a few o yer neebuurs ragethuur an steamin inty yer loacal haimbase wher if yese create enuff o a distraction ye wull manage tae hauf inch a coupla ra new energy effishunt litebulbs an dae ra needfu back ay yer two up huvil....
Pey ra nurse oan ra wey oot............
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Last edited by Heidy on Sun May 03, 2009 7:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Heidy



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 969


Location: North o th' river

PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2009 7:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Senga as we aw ken yer an anmil luvuur annat get yersel a wee rubbuur moose frae ra pet shoap an wi a stanley knife ahm sure ye cuild approximitlie carve a wee front bum onit tae simyoolate a wummin gerbil...an boabs yer muthers brither annat...they cuild take it in turns as they ur randy wee buggurs an ye wull need tae cleen the rubbuur moose/wummin gerbil substitute oot a few times a week.............
Pey ra nurse oan ra wey oot...........
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dosser



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 676



PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2009 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

SengaMcp wrote:
Dear Doctur,

Sum fool gied us a cupla gerbils. Thur baith males and seriously in hate wi wan anither. Shuid ah jist let thum get oan wi thur Glesca kissin, ur separate thum?


Ah'm promotin mahsell tae tempry assistant Doactur Leki.

Ra Dosserette hud twa male gerbils when she wiz wee and they got on fine However, fae when Ah wiz reading-up aboot them at the time, Ah seem tae recall that twa males aye get oan fineand twa females aye get on fine. But, if ye've a male an' a female, they'll only get on fine when ra female is "in the mood" - which isnae very often and no' fer very lang.

Ye've goat a male an' female, hen, and soon yer gonnae hae mair.
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AG



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 324



PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2009 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ye could ayewis make some gerbil couscous
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ayrshiretattie



Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 296


Location: bumpkinland

PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 10:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Question. How come oor dug goes absolutely mental every time somebody in the hoose sneezes?

Berserk, he goes. Sharp yelps, runs from the room to his toy box and brings ye back a burst football, which he then worries to death in front of ye.

He'll do it even before ye get to the sneeze, when ye're just goin "ah....ahhh" and before ye get to go "....CHOOO!!"

Any info appreciated. Shocked




<....is dugs allowed in?...>
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SengaMcp
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Joined: 28 Apr 2009
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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 8:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Huvny a scooby Ayrie, thon's a new wan oan me. Ah've hud wan wit chases reflections, but nae barkin at sneezers.

Aye, dugs is allowit, Loulou tells me she'll be in wi Inky an Blott as soon as she's finished teachin thum tae type.
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Fey Hag



Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 749


Location: Sealainn Nuadh Dawn's Birth Place

PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 8:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah had a wee Loon whit larfed his sel sick ivry time ra cat sneezed.

He must be relatid tae yir dug.
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dosser



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 676



PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 10:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Please, Leki Doactur person, ye huv tae help me. Ah'm at mah wits end, so Ah'm ur.

It a' stertit when Ah stopped da'en ra Lottery. Waste o' bluidy money, Ah thocht, so Ah packed it in. The trouble is, Ah cannae get the bluidy numbers oot o' mah heid. The result is, Ah'm goin' aboot bluidy mental every Wednesday and Friday, worrying that they bluidy numbers finally will come up.

While ther millions o' people up an' doon the country, every Wednesday and Seturday, goin' Please Goad, honest, if ye let me win, Ah'll be guid the rest o' mah days and gie tae cherity an be a nicer person annat there's me - a atheist, BRW - going Please Goad, dinnae make these numbers come up. PLEASE!!!

And Ah'm feart that wi Him bein' omniptint an' all-knowin' annat, He's bound tae ken Ah dinnae b'lieve in him...... So he's gonnae punish me, int he. He's gonnae make they bluidy numbers come up jist tae spite me.

And then theres ra dreams, doactur. Oh ra dreams is jist affie. Ah cannae sleep. In the dreams, mah numbers dae come up and Mrs dosser's no' at a' pleased wi' me. Ye tight fistit scunner ye! she rants We cuild o' been rich. We cuild o' been in lugshry. But, oh no. You wantit tae save a piddlin' coupla quid, ye useless selfish shitebag. You'd rather o' saved a coupla quid than investit it in ra financial security an' wellbeing o' yer ane fam.....Her rant stops there. Ah think that must be the point when wan o' the kitchen impliments she's chuckin at me finds its mark.

Can ye help me doactur? Ye've goat tae help me! Jist make the numbers go away.

[sortit]Dun ah hink. Ed[/sortit]
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dosser



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 676



PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 10:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ye see whit Ah mean? Mah heid's fa'en apart. Ah cannae even w**k ra itlalics richt.
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Heidy



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 969


Location: North o th' river

PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 5:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dosser wrote:
Please, Leki Doactur person, ye huv tae help me. Ah'm at mah wits end, so Ah'm ur.

It a' stertit when Ah stopped da'en............................. greet greet greet .............

Buy a fuggin ticket ya tite arsed sod...........
Pey ra nurse oan ra wey oot thank you.......
Next!
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dosser



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 676



PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 10:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heidy wrote:
dosser wrote:
Please, Leki Doactur person, ye huv tae help me. Ah'm at mah wits end, so Ah'm ur.

It a' stertit when Ah stopped da'en............................. greet greet greet .............

Buy a fuggin ticket ya tite arsed sod...........
Pey ra nurse oan ra wey oot thank you.......
Next!


Aye, that's really helpfu', doactur. The solution tae mah proablem is jist tae gie in tae it. Jist let they bastirts at Camelot keep on winnin', eh? Weel, Ah'd never o' thocht o' that wan. Oh aye, pure Leki genius, that wan.

And Ah'll jist pay yer nurse oot o' mah winnin's then, will Ah?

Nurse mah erse. Thon's Clash in a frock. And the couch is nae mair than the back seat ripped oot a auld Ford Prefect...... mutter, mutter.....
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ayrshiretattie



Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 296


Location: bumpkinland

PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 11:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm wi the doactur. Play!

2 quid a week is no brekkin the bank, Camelot will still be rakin it in whether you play or not, you're no making an ounce of diffrins to their profits.

And just seriously consider how you would feel if your numbers - your special numbers that ye picked because they're significant in your life - ever did come up and ye hadnae played... can you imagine how sick ye'd feel??

Play!!
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Neil



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 483



PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 12:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

P.T. Barnum wiz richt.
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SengaMcp
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Joined: 28 Apr 2009
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PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 12:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tae quote Ella Fitzgerald: "It's a Barnum and Bailey world".
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Neil



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
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PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 12:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

But it wuidna be mak believe if yoo believed in me!
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SengaMcp
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PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 12:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote


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Heidy



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 969


Location: North o th' river

PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 12:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Whits ra script here? Ah take a daunir doon tae ma hut an wis goannie gie ra couch a wee wipe wi thon disinfektint thingies cos ra last cu...erm patient that wis lyin onit hudny washed or wiped his arse in a week, an ther hud bin some "seepidje" tae pit it politelie an here Ah find oot that some theevin swines hud made aff wi it..wis near cawin oot a swat team tae hunt ra perrpetraytirs doon when Ah notissed a wee note sayin that it wis mooved tae its ain buildin oan patient confidentialitie grounds...
Fuxake the byoorawkrissy nooadays..... Confused
Rolling Eyes


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