Forum Index

 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   Join! (free) Join! (free)
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Joke threed..no neccesarilie in guid taste eethuur!
Page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic     Forum Index -> Ra Leki's Hut
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Tumchie



Joined: 19 May 2009
Posts: 18



PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:10 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote

wookie..... Razz hehehe...a ban iss in oarder ehno?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
itsjistme



Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 41



PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 11:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

AG wrote:
Warm but no quite

Should that no be, "W*** but no quite".  Laughing



jaiket's oan...hehe
_________________
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
SengaMcp
Site Admin


Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 904



PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 8:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tumchie wrote:
wookie..... Razz hehehe...a ban iss in oarder ehno?


How? Ye huv sumthin agin wookies mebbe?
_________________
I'm looking for a job with a sky high pay,
A four day week and a two hour day

Matt McGinn
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tumchie



Joined: 19 May 2009
Posts: 18



PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

SengaMcp wrote:
Tumchie wrote:
wookie..... Razz hehehe...a ban iss in oarder ehno?


How? Ye huv sumthin agin wookies mebbe?


Embarassed  Razz ...erm...aye...aye ats whit it is, thur pyoor big herry bestirts annatt....hate thum soahdae Laughing
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
notanimby



Joined: 21 May 2009
Posts: 575


Location: South Of The River, Doon Inverclyde Way

PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

AG wrote:
Time: A finite extent of continued existence; e.g. the interval between two events, or the period during which an action or state continues; a period referred to in some way.

Nae names nae pack drill, but wan poast oan iss page wis a right waste uv it.


Wizzit ma joke aboot ra dwarfs?

Iz there a prize fur guessin right?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tumchie



Joined: 19 May 2009
Posts: 18



PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2009 2:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pat and Mick are speaking to each other and then Mick notices Pat's goldfish. Mick asks "What are your fish called?" Pat says "One and Two." Mick asks "Why have you called them One and Two?" Pat replies with "Because if One dies I still have Two." Embarassed
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tumchie



Joined: 19 May 2009
Posts: 18



PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2009 2:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen.


What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Irene.


What do you call a guy walking up his path?

Hamish


What do you call a Welshman with a biscuit on his head?

Dai Gestive
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Heidy



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 969


Location: North o th' river

PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A  woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip  to  Rome with her husband.  She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:    

" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there?  You're crazy to go to  Rome. It's crowed and dirty.  So, how are you getting there?  

"We're  taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"    

"Continental?"  exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are  old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So,  where are you staying in   Rome  ?"  

"We'll  be at this exclusive little place over on  Rome 's  Tiber  River called "Teste."    

"Don't  go any further. I know that place.  Everybody thinks its gonna be  something special and exclusive, but it's really a  dump."  

"We're  going to go to see the   Vatican  and maybe get to  see the Pope."  

"That's  rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to  see him.  He'll look the size of an ant.   Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need  it."    

A  month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked  her about her trip to   Rome  .    

"It  was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of  Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped  us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a  handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.    

And  the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodelling job,  and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were  overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no  extra charge!"

"Well,"  muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you  didn't get to see the Pope."    

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to  meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his  private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.    

Sure  enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook  my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to  me."    

"Oh,  really!  What'd he say ?"    

He  said: "Who fucked up your hair?"
_________________
Getitrightupye!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
notanimby



Joined: 21 May 2009
Posts: 575


Location: South Of The River, Doon Inverclyde Way

PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 5:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two dugs walkin doon r astreet
Furst dug "do yoo use condoms"
Sekind Dug " How Durex"
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
SengaMcp
Site Admin


Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 904



PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The lass I brought home was a prize,
with an alluring pair of blue eyes,
her breasts, so well kept,
were what Id expect,
but her dong was quite a surprise.
_________________
I'm looking for a job with a sky high pay,
A four day week and a two hour day

Matt McGinn
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tumchie



Joined: 19 May 2009
Posts: 18



PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fitter joke..........

An Irishman runs into his house after W*** and shouts:
"Wife, Wife! What height am I?"
"Five foot and eleven inches" she says.
"Thank fook for that" says the Irishman.
"They're laying aff six fitters in the W*** tomorrow".
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Clash



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 313


Location: Brisbane

PostPosted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 8:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Apropos of nuthing tumshie but it wis only a few years ago I hud even heard of a Fitter until a neighbour telt me that her husband wis one.

Mind you; I wisny any the wiser because when she telt me what her (Scottish) husband did it wis at the party where he'd turned 40.

He wis presented wi a ginormous cock. It wis donated by his wife and 100 quid wis paid for the show. All his mates and their wives went mental because they hud never seen anything like it.

Call me a snob if you like but the next time a "Fitter" invites our family tae a birthday?

I'll make sure that ma zip is closed and I get paid upfront.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger
dosser



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 676



PostPosted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

At a certain point we all feel challenged beyond our capabilities and as indicated below, we sooooooo have nothing to worry about!


UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and

'cheesemongers'?

Contestant: Homosexuals.

Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset

with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.

Theakston: There's a clue in the title.

Contestant: Leicester .

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: I don't know.

White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your

hand and your elbow?

Contestant: Arm.

White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant: Strong.

White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant: Louis.

White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song

What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant: France .

Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.

Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is

the Parthenon?

Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski: Just guess a country then.

Contestant: Paris .

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:- Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all

written books about their experiences in what:- Prison, or the

Conservative Party?

Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

RTE RADIO 2FM ( IRELAND )

Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about

pensioners: Last Of The ...?

Caller: Mohicans.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER )

Phil: What's 11 squared?

Contestant: I don't know.

Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY

Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

A: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY

Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant: Er . . .

Leslie: He makes bread . .

Contestant: Er . ..

Leslie: He makes cakes . . .

Contestant: Kipling Street ?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant: Barcelona .

Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question: What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant: The Pacific

ROCK FM (PRESTON)

Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a

famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.

Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant: Magna Carta?

xJAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er...

er ... three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?

Caller: Japan .

Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear

that, I can let you try again.

Caller: Er .... Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant: Holland ?

Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?

Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant: No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant: Er . .. .

Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .

Contestant: Blimey?

Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . .

Contestant: (Silence)

Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .

Contestant: Walked?

THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the

sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant: Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant: Jewish.

Presenter: That's close enough.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging

character clad only in a loincloth did he play?

Contestant: Jesus.

Ah only postit thon cause Ah'm on a mission tae fill in a' the ums again.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Boudleaux C Merkin



Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 294


Location: Meresig

PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Obama.



They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."



President Obama said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."



The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show, Star Trek, and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is Black, Sulu who is Chinese, but no Arabs... My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Syrians or Iraqis on Star Trek."



President Obama smiled, leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered back...

"That's because it takes place in the future!"
_________________
It's no good to go back to where you already been. It ain't the same. Other people own it, and it ain't yours no more.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Neil



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 483



PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 5:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hate to spoil the "joke" but Iranians aren't Arabs.
_________________
Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.
Benjamin Franklin
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
notanimby



Joined: 21 May 2009
Posts: 575


Location: South Of The River, Doon Inverclyde Way

PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 5:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Neil wrote:
I hate to spoil the "joke" but Iranians aren't Arabs.


Aren't they Aryans ur sumthin?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
swift



Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 165



PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:43 pm    Post subject: joke thread ? Reply with quote

Iranians also:
And their official language is Persian. Oan the ithur haun, Arabic is the language of Iraq.....wonder if being able to speak Persian would make it easier to learn Arabic.
swift
a book of verse beneath the bough,
a loaf of bread, a jug of wine,
and thou.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
swift



Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 165



PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:46 pm    Post subject: joke thread ? Reply with quote

Talked tae the man who runs the corner shop. He is from Iraq and tells me that the two languages are a world apart, says he disnae ken mair than four or five words of Persian,
tam
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Neil



Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Posts: 483



PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 11:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah thocht the leid wiz cried Farsi.
_________________
Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.
Benjamin Franklin
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
swift



Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 165



PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 12:22 pm    Post subject: joke thread ? Reply with quote

And it is:
one version is that the name Farsi was adopted because of problems with the letter "P". Wiki has a number of versions, one of which claims that Persion, or Farsi, is one form of Arabic: that opinion has more naysayers than Brown.
tam

Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic     Forum Index -> Ra Leki's Hut All times are GMT
Page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
Page 4 of 5

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Card File  Gallery  Forum Archive
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
Create your own free forum | Buy a domain to use with your forum