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The Gralloch!

Fir those o ye'se at ur thinkin o mibbes peyin us a wee visit,here in bonnie Alba,a wee wird o warnin in yer lugs if yer thinkin o takin the fresh err owernite an mibbes dae'in a spot o campin annat!
As ye'se wull ken we dinnae hiv feerce wild bluidythirsty hings like Gnus an monkeys annat but,ther ur horrirs an dangers whit ra Scottish Towrist Boord wulny say aboot,an in fact wull deny ther very existince!
Its bin an established tradition here,fir hunners o years,an is maistlie ainlie dun noo in the heilans wher they kull ra Deer an try an keep ther numbers doon....
When ra Ghillie an Stalkirs gang oot onty ra Hill fir tae hunt ra Stags an Bambi's doon,an chase thum in hert pumpin terrir thru ra bonnie purple heather it ferr maks yer bluid pound in yer heid tae see thum dae'in ra things yer anscestirs did fir times immemorial!
Noo as ye kin appreciate,thon deer ur muckle beesties an as sic hiv a load o useliss perts like guts an lungs an bowils annaw!
Noo evolvin in parallel wi ra heilandirs wis a specialie adaptit Haggis,which instead o grazin oan ra slopes o ra Bens,developed a taste fir aw thon bits Ah mentionit a minit ago!
Noo the huntirs used tae thraw ra deid beesties ower ra nearist branch o a tree,fir tae butchir thum an let thum hing fir a whiley fir tae gie the meat a bit o flavour annat!
Noo sumtime in ra past a mutint Haggis wis born whit soon fun oot that iss wis a rerr chance o a meal,an as sic it developed in a differint wey frae yer ordinary Hill Haggis!
Yer run o the mill Haggis hus goat big skwerr teeth fir munchin heather stalks but the new Haggis,whit is called the Gralloch,his developed a long proboscis type o gub,in fact its dried an smoked Gralloch gubs whit ur used as drones in the Heilan Bagpipes!!
Noo yer Gralloch,bein a specialised feedir comes along,and findin a deer slung ower a tree,will ram its proboscis up ra deid Bambi's jacksie an proceed,wi much slurpin an sookin sounds whit wid mak yer bluid run cauld,tae empty ra corpse o aw its fluids an aforesaid useliss bits!
Noo as ye average Heilander is a lazy Baistirt,they jist let thon happen tae save thum time an effirt!
The result is,that the heilans ur noo swarmin wi Grallochs,an as ther isny much incentive noo fir wild venisin ,oan account o it bein riddled wi bogworm,ther ur a loat o hungry Grallochs aboot!!
Noo oan average ye kin ootrun wan o thon beesties,an get awa,but if yer dozin in ra heather ,fir whitever reason,who am Ah tae judge whit ye'se get up tae wi pete in the bog or heather in ra hills    yer in deep peat if wan chances upon ye! Likewise if yer campin or,even wirse up in a hammock,Ah'm sure ye kin see ra dangers inherint in iss!
Ah hiv heard auld tales that if ye leave a substantial dram unner yer hammock or ootside yer tent,thers a merr than average chance ra Gralloch wull accept iss instead o probin yer cavities wi its probe!
Mind you,Ah doubt its been tried oan account o some folk wid be loth tae lea a drammie oot in the open err annaw,jist on a chance....
So err ye hiv it,wan o Mither Natures heilan beesties,you lea it alane an it'll lea you alane!

Heidy, ma auld curmudgeon, yer punchurayshun stinks wurser an mines. A grand wee story though.
Boudleaux C Merkin

Weel, Ah've certainly learned sumthin' Ah didnae know afore.  Shocked


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