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Fey Hag

Thanks fur flyin' uir airline.'

An airline pilot wrote; 'At oan thes particular flecht he hud hammered his ship intae th' runway pure stoaner.

Th' airline hud a policy which required th' first officer tae stain at th' duir while th' passengers exited, smile, an' gie them a 'Thanks fur flyin' uir airline.'
He said 'At, in lecht ay his bad landin', he hud a sear time lookin' th' passengers in th' ean, thinkin' 'at someain woods hae a smart comment.

Finally a' fowk hud gotten aff except fur a wee auld quine walkin' wi' a cane.

She said, 'Sir, dae ye min' if Ah ask ye a question?' 'Why, nae, ma'am,' said th' pilot. 'What is it?'


The wee auld quine said, 'Did we lain, ur waur we shot doon?'
SengaMcp

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Heidy

See'in we ur oan errline jokes...errs iss flight an the plane isny weel attaw an ra pilot sais we is overloadit an ur goannie huv tae liten ra load,so we ur thraowin oot folk in alfabetikle oarduur...
He sais ony Africans oan boord...nae reply silinse annat...
Then he sais ony Blacks oan board...nae reply agen...
The he sais ony Carribeans oan board...still nae reply an folk ur aw luikin at each urr...
Iss wee coloured guy sais tae his da ,haw da whit ur wee en...
His da sais raday son we ur Zulu's.....
rdt2

I do in truth huv a pal wot is a commercial pilot.   Surname o Kirk.   And he did indeed used tae fly fur an outfit called Enterprise Airways.   Think aboot the announcements fae the flight deck;   'This is Captain....'
notanimby

When ah wizza wean(10) ah went oot tae Cyprus tae visit rellies
We wurr tae fly way Dan-Air (dandare) on a comet 4C
Anyways ah wiz so excited a got tae ra tap of the sterrs and puked up all over ar stewardess welcummin us on board, seemingly ra only thing that didnae happen wiz ma heid nevur span roon, probably becoz ra Exorshist hudnae been made yet.
notascot

Years ago a friend of mine's  family lived in Benheim (NZ) & flew once a fortnight over to Wellington to do shopping. They were always late & NAC were always threatening to take off without them.

One time they raced to the airport late as usual. They got to airport & their car was met & they were directed round to the the apron near the DC3. When they got out the whole airport staff, the hostie & one of the pilots had formed a line & applauded them as they boarded the plane.  All the passengers were looking round wondering what the hell was going on.  

They were never late again

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