Tales frae another time..........Tales of not so Long Ago!
One of the main hazards of being a Leki is the sad fact that the general populace think we are as Gods!
Now considering that we are Masters and Custodians of the Lightning, this opinion has a certain amount of truth in it!
However,it brings about the assumption that any electrical appliance,no matter the state its in or age is within our considerable powers of resusication!
Our Gaffer, Stu,a very obliging guy,was always taking in stuff from operators,friends,neighbors.etc.anything which was damaged or malfunctioning which had a plug attached to it!
Now everyone now and again as a wee favour would agree to look at any offending article for anyone that asked and usually a quick once over and enquiry as to the fault would enable us to give an instant opinion on the prospects of said article!
In most cases this would result in the pronouncement,”Bin it,its not worth fixing/you cant get the spare parts/their far to expensive anyway”!
Now this was true in nearly all cases,as folk tend to try and “ fix” stuff themselves and grovel to us as the last resort cos they can tell what we are going to say!
But Stu,being the kindly soul he was couldn’t say no or break the news to them that their beloved thing was dud!
The result was the our howf was stowed to the gunwales with all sorts of crap requiring parts,looked at, new wires put on it or repaired!
There was and endless flow of folk coming in every day enquiring as to the state of repair of their articles and as Stu was usually quite busy he never seemed to get round to doing anything about them!
The first thing that would happen to anything that was brought in was if he had time it would get a bit stripped off it for another item further down the queue and then put aside for another time!
This resulted in total chaos regarding stuff and folk would get kettles/iron/toasters etc with bits which were from a dozen different units and barely bore any resemblance to the original!
Some of the stuff was new and one day a guy brought in an iron which he wanted fitted with a longer flex, mibbes his wife did the ironing out in the garden,who knows,any way,this Leki did the needful and the iron was sitting on the bench waiting for its owner when it got knocked over and hit the deck!
Course it shattered and the Leki had a panic and attempted to araldite the whole thing together…..
You can imaging the guys face when he was presented with this thing a couple of days later…….took days for him to realise it wasn’t a joke!
Needless to say he didn’t come back…..
Other disasters were a cleaning wifey brought in her daughters heated hair rollers and it was a small thermal fuse which had gone in it …the shop smoothie gave her the patter that he would tend to said problem and to come back after lunch and collect it!
He couldn’t get a thermal fuse so he just used a piece of ordinary wire!
Leaving it on over tea break we went off to the canteen where he saw the wifey and told her it was “on test” in the howf and just to switch it off and collect it if she got there first!
When we got back she was in the shop and asked us where her rollers were!
The smoothie pointed at the bench where there was no rollers but there was a puddle of molten plastic and metal smoking away!
Thats why they fit them with thermal fuses!!!!
Took a good bit of technical explaining that one!
Stu had an old biddie of a neighbour and he used to cut her grass for her….
He brought in her lawnmower this day as it was cutting out and for once he started to try and fix it!
He had it connected up on the bench and kind of half running when one of the Lekii battered the bench with a large hammer,as you do,to get him jumping,and Stu spun round and grabbed him by the shirt and started to give him verbal….
While this rammy was going on we all watched with interest as the lawnmower started to sputter and smoke and as Stu pinned this guy to the wall the guy tried to tell him what was happening…
“Nah nah “said Stu “ Ye think Ah came up the Clyde on a banana boat”
“Ahm no goannie look roon an you get another laugh at me”
He became aware that something was amiss as he noticed that we were by this time all on the floor helpless with laughter and there was a thick fog of smoke and fumes pouring out of the lawnmower!
He was most unhappy and he had to buy her a new one as he couldnt think up a suitable excuse.nor admit to being a diddy!
A favourite thing on my part was to put anything folk brought in on test in front of them usually on a far higher voltage for which it was rated ,though only if it was really old and not worth fixing (in my opinion mind)!
This had the effect of flashes bangs smoke flames and loads of fun (for us) and the pronouncement that it was “gubbed” and the person not coming back with his duff appliances…..result!
One guy brought in a radio tape deck for a car which he had bought in a pub and it looked brand new,this Leki hooked it up and although the light on it came on there was not a cheep from it!
“Looks like you were sold a binger mate “he told the toolmaker who had bought in the radio,this brought about howls of rage that he had been done and on asked what he wanted done with it he said use it for spares if you want it!
Now this guy loved wrecking things so telling him it would be no use for spares he got the guys consent to total the radio with a two pound hammer in front of him!
The owner even vented his rage at being conned with a good few blows with the hammer himself!
I wandered in at the end of this wreckfest and enquired as to the commotion!
On being told the tale and shown what the Leki had tried I pointed out that the speaker unit which he was using was unfortunately empty as someone had tea-leafed the speaker out of it previously and there was just two unconnected wires hanging out of it….
Comprehension dawned on the Leki and the toolmaker at about the same time and the was a lot of swerry words uttered on that occasion!
This wis poastit ages ago but certin persins wantit thum up agen so here goes and doant muttir at me if ye hiv seen thum afore..........
Tales of not so long ago!
(Who says W*** is’nt fun!)
One time the offices were getting a makeover,and all their chairs were getting up graded!
We rescued them from the skip at the back of the W*** and wheeled them round to the Electrical workshop!
The best of them was a preformed foam seat on castors which was covered in a cloth material and was in exceptionally good nick considering!
Of course our gaffer Stu,took it as he was top dog and we were left to fight over the rest…
We were then banned from sitting on “his “ chair,as it was to be kept clean!!
Now all these old seats were the whirly type ones with castors, in various states of repair,but as we were the Leki,we fought off the Stokers for the best…and won!!
This made a change from sitting around on the workbenches as management in those days did not like to see plebs sitting around on their arses,despite us giving them the good excuse that if we were all running around like blue arsed flies then things were not going so good…vice versa,us sitting around meant everything was running tickity boo!
Notwithstanding..come nightshift,things got quiet,and it was suggested as we spun round that a race would be quite a good thing to have to pass the time!
There was a long corridor outside the canteen,and as we lined up, two lekii and a stoker,quite a few operators wondered what we were up to!
Now it is obvious that you cant go fast forward on one of these type chairs so we all faced back and pushed like mad with the old John Gregs!
A really good speed can be built up this way,but navigation becomes difficult,and as you keek over your shoulder,you tend to fly off course slightly!
As we hurtled up the corridor,the racket from the castors was horrendous,.and nearly battering into folk coming out the canteen we raced towards the wall at the end of the run!
Then we found that its awfy hard to stop when you do this,with the result that collision with the wall was quite violent!
The resulting shouts of abuse and howls of pain from the canteen folk and us raised quite a few eyebrows and a few questions as to our sanity were asked!
As in”Are youse aw fuggin daft”?
The stoker raised the point of the noisy wheels and produced an oilcan from his boilersuit…don’t ask,they carry these things and hammers and spanners all the time!
Turning his chair over he inspected the castors and let out a load of swerry words as he got his fingers burnt on the red hot wheels!
Unbelievably he fired a daud of oil onto his wheels which immediately turned into a vast cloud of smoke!
We followed his example and gave our chairs a wee tune up too…
Back to the workshop at a slower pace,leaving behind trails of oil on the floor which we did’nt notice!The next trick was touring round the factory in reverse,drawing looks as we sped by,randomly crashing into each other and the odd machine!I must add here that The Hi Heid yins didn’t W*** night shift!
After a few more races like this it was beginning to pale,for us anyway,and the stoker had to go to a job,so the next thing was………CHICKEN!!!
Starting one at each end of the corridor we hammered towards each other at a great rate of knots!
Course be’ing fearless Lekii,neither of us moved over,the resulting collision was sooperb so it was!
This fun continued thru the night ,and continued for several days after….
The upshot of this was that the chairs became rather tatty,especially “Stu’s Chair”, which I had claimed as my vehicle,and the Styrofoam body was getting badly dunted with all the hi-speed crashes!
As all the Lekii on various shifts grew aware of the new sport,the poor state of the chairs rapidly became apparent!
Even to the extent of Stu commenting on how “they don’t make things like they used to no wonder they threw them out” spiel every time he planked his fat arse on his chair!
Any way,one night after a particularly violent series of races and head on crashes,Stu’s chair was totally reduced to crumbly bits under the oh so nice cloth covering!
Leaving it in the workshop,nearly held in its original shape,by sellotape…along with the others which were in various states of damage,none had working castors any more,a few had the frames all cracked and the plastic ripped,he came in one morning an sat on it ,which immediately assumed the shape of a beanbag,which it really was by now,and fell onto the floor!
The whole lot were consigned to their original destination,the skip and that was our fun over for a while……..till we could blag some more from another part of the factory!