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Bern

Scabbie toons.

Wait, wait, wait.....   I cannie find a good word to get a skelp across in words, to you dosser and nottah.   Clash deserves a skelp asweel fur his bad words.  

I tried hard to say nice things about that wee toon, I took a big breath ready to blow aff steam about how great it is.   See speechless.... See dumbfounded... See cannie think of anything good to say about Greenock toon....I got awe discombobulated.    

Then I went into a wee daydream and I remembered the beautiful views across the water, Lyle Hill, the esplanade, cheap plonk, square sausage and black pudding, a double oyster at the cafe with family and friends.   It's quite beautiful in places when you have good company.  

Is it lots worse than any other toon in Scotland?
dosser

Tae be fair, my auld faither aye spoke well o' the people o' Greenock.

When they got kicked oot o' Norway, they a' wound up huvvin tae kip in a Tate and Lylle warehoose. Suddenly a' these wifies seemed tae turn up wi' pots o' tea and sandwiches annat - their precious rations.

And they were even sayin' "We heard oan ra wireless, none o' yiz has even had a bath fer aboot 12 weeks. Dae any o' yiz want tae come back tae oors der a bath?"

Aye, he thought weel o' the Greenock fowlk.
AG

Ah've only been tae Greenock twice. It rained baith times.

And ah've only known twa wimmen fae Greenock, wan 30 year ago and wan mair recently.

Baith were/are bossy, loud and foul moothed (as in swerrin a loat) and baith rolled their ain fags.

Mibbae ah've just been unlucky.  Cool
Bern

See they ladies, dosser,   see cleanliness, it's as close to godliness as they could get.   I do hope they  didn't help recover any lost soup bars in the big metal baths.  

The sugar candy smell of Tate and Lyle is a thing of the past.   I don't think it exists anymore.    I'm not sure though.    

Sadly, AG, the lassies you describe are not ladies at all.   What has come over people these days.   The crassness of the mooth in a lot of  people from greenock frightens me a wee bit.   There is such hardness aboot.   It's not only the words, it's the way they are delivered.    You know damn well you are just unlucky but.    Ah mean look at me.... if it wurnie fee people like me Greeock wid huv a totally bad name.   (roll eyes wae a blush at mah modesty)


Thank gawd greenock didn't have a glespies or a herriots.    Can you imagine Clash and greenock awe mixed up.   Yi, yi, yi. ( say that like an old Jewish mother talking about the yooth of today)
notanimby

As sumwan who huz tae drive through Greenock everyday, let me assure ye, it is indeed a shithole.

Not only that it's blessed by a coonsil determined tae dae its best tae keep it wan, if not make it even worse.

The only thing one kin say aboot Greenock, is that its not as big a shithole as airdrie/coatbridge/armadale/bathgate/harthill - though I belive their coonsils are daein their best tae keep them in the lead.

Yes indeed the views frae this side are excellent, poity the poor fekkers in Helensbra etc huvvin tae look over a shithole greenock

As fur mentions of teh war, Greenock is Clydebank, waitin on teh Luftwaffe tae come back tae finish aff their improvements
Bern

Whai thank you very much for your opinion nottah.   A toons a toon and local politics are a part of it but ahm gonnie say something nice about its good side. Ah prefer tae see the bigger picture.  Thurs some nostalgia in my heart, loads of brilliant times with family and friends.   To me..... if you stay close tae yer ane folks it's a brilliant wee toon.
notanimby

Bern wrote:
Whai thank you very much for your opinion nottah.   A toons a toon and local politics are a part of it but ahm gonnie say something nice about its good side. Ah prefer tae see the bigger picture.  Thurs some nostalgia in my heart, loads of brilliant times with family and friends.   To me..... if you stay close tae yer ane folks it's a brilliant wee toon.


Ach well bern, its obvious you dinnae huvnae live there any merr.

It's no really jist tae dae wae ra politics of the coonsil, merr tae dae wae thur lack of vision, in fact thur so blind even thur guide dug has given up on them.
The search furra lowest common denominator is their target.

The local paper didnae help much either, its full of sick weans, ugly weans and their even uglier maws in some ugly wean ur someone lacking in talent competition. A shite shop opening up and providing six part time jobs is headline news for it. Yet they seem strangely silent on local gangsters, coonsil corruption and incompetence, or even the fact that greenock s a shithole seems to have eluded them

The population is currently shrinking at about 5% per annum, soon there'll no even be any fannies left
Bern

Wid you like to run for office.   I think you would make a good coonsilurr.
admin

Bern wrote:
Wid you like to run for office.   I think you would make a good coonsilurr.


Lordgawda'bluidymichty............. Ah dae ma best tae inject some gratuitous nastines, cynicisim and pleasantnous intae this forum in the desperate hope o' provokin' a rammy........... And whit happens?

Bern gets the hots fur Nota, that's whit.

Ah dispair, so Ah dae!
notanimby

Bern wrote:
Wid you like to run for office.   I think you would make a good coonsilurr.


In inverclyde? Nae chance, you end up a hostage tae fortune for every nutter that hasn't left yet.

It's a constant stream of folk at yer door moaning about everything under the sun, Maist of it beyond a coonsilurs remit. And that's jist the other coonsilurs, who, a large tranche of them ur nae exactly known fur their intellectual capability.

The provost, a mr moran, is known to all as provost moron, he struggles to string a coherent sentence together and in the register of members interests used tae have he was a season ticket holder at parkheid. Don't think he could understand  that "register of interests" wisnae  a list of coonsilurs hobbies.
Bern

Haw you mr admin.    Ahm just trying to inject a wee bit of decorum into nottah.   If you loat wid just throw him some sweeties every noo and again we just might see the saffter side.   And look, we did.   Not a swearie word.   Yer maw wid be proud nottah.    


Ah still think you wid make a good coonsillur.   Cause yoo dont bloody lissin fer wan and you can shout louder than most.  

Clash wid make a good coonsilurr as well.  Mind you he's mer deef than moothie but the lack of lissinin skills suits coonsilurrs well.  Hawd awn,   He is dead moothie.... Ah jhist forgot.

Wae that...... Ahm running in case the simbills get clashed between my ears.
notanimby

Bern wrote:
Haw you mr admin.    Ahm just trying to inject a wee bit of decorum into nottah.   If you loat wid just throw him some sweeties every noo and again we just might see the saffter side.   And look, we did.   Not a swearie word.   Yer maw wid be proud nottah.    


Ah still think you wid make a good coonsillur.   Cause yoo dont bloody lissin fer wan and you can shout louder than most.  

Clash wid make a good coonsilurr as well.  Mind you he's mer deef than moothie but the lack of lissinin skills suits coonsilurrs well.  Hawd awn,   He is dead moothie.... Ah jhist forgot.

Wae that...... Ahm running in case the simbills get clashed between my ears.


Ah fuck, ah knew ah hud forgotten somethin.....

Fuck me, how coulda huv forgotten tae fuckin swear, jeezuz fuck am gettin helluva forgetf since ah thrned fuckin forty
Bern

FORTY!  

Definitely a coosilurr.....  Yer a good bloody liar annol.
notanimby

Bern wrote:
FORTY!  

Definitely a coosilurr.....  Yer a good bloody liar annol.


Ah never said I was 40 now

I'll repeat it again since you seem to be hard of reading ( must be yer age)

"jeezuz fuck am gettin helluva forgetf since ah thrned fuckin forty"

There ye go  - Now ma readin' skills tell me that I definately didnae say ah wiz forty just noo - have you tried specsavers? Razz
Bern

Yer wee plae on wirds disnae waash wae me attoll, attoll.  

If....you have forgotten to swear since you turned forty, you would have forgotten to swear regularly on almost every post.  

Therefore, ah kin dedeuce, that you, very recently, like ..... naw that long ago, are hinting, you just turned forty.  

Ah read mysteries and if it's good enough for Clumbo to dedeuce yer age from a few words,  then it's good enough for me to also think that you hinted you recently turned forty cause you have just recently forgot to swear.   But ah know yer ancient.   Cannot you pull eyes wool over  comes to mind.   Ah mixed that up so your dyslexic mind is helped oot a wee bit.     (ah cannie help being this nice coming fear greenock)

Yoo, on the other hawn, decided to use yer wee fo pa to turn the tables.   Well.... It didnae W***.    

Ah don't think.  Smile.
notanimby

Bern wrote:
Yer wee plae on wirds disnae waash wae me attoll, attoll.  

If....you have forgotten to swear since you turned forty, you would have forgotten to swear regularly on almost every post.  

Therefore, ah kin dedeuce, that you, very recently, like ..... naw that long ago, are hinting, you just turned forty.  

Ah read mysteries and if it's good enough for Clumbo to dedeuce yer age from a few words,  then it's good enough for me to also think that you hinted you recently turned forty cause you have just recently forgot to swear.   But ah know yer ancient.   Cannot you pull eyes wool over  comes to mind.   Ah mixed that up so your dyslexic mind is helped oot a wee bit.     (ah cannie help being this nice coming fear greenock)

Yoo, on the other hawn, decided to use yer wee fo pa to turn the tables.   Well.... It didnae W***.    

Ah don't think.  Smile.


Nope nut inra slightest, don't remember ever saying ah huv never remembered tae swear since turning forty either..........

Come back Angela Lansbury fur fucks sake, at least she got the right answer in an hour or so........

Ah huv forgotten a few things completely since turnin forty, ah would list them fur ye but as ah sed ah huv forgotten them so there ye go

But as ah huv alluded tae, driving through greenock everyday, laughing at maist the fuckwitted inhabitants and their civic leaders would never let me forget swearing, it justs becomes unnecessary when anywhere else
Bern

Ach awae you go.   Nice try.   See you nottah,  youve been hinging oot wae too minnie hingoots.  Is thur naw anyway you kin give Greenock a total bypass.  It sounds like the stress of very insignificant wee neddie morons are difficult to ignore.  

When ah drive hame or roon greenock I huv a hunner nice things going through mah heed.   Naw daft wee insignificant neds.  
Why would I give suchlike the time of day?  

Yet naw that easily niggled at, surely.  

(Angela Lansbury.  Tut.   Ah widdah thought a man of your calibre wid have drummed up Angie Dickinson)

Yer imagination isnae very enthusiastic.   ; ).
notanimby

Bern wrote:
Ach awae you go.   Nice try.   See you nottah,  youve been hinging oot wae too minnie hingoots.  Is thur naw anyway you kin give Greenock a total bypass.  It sounds like the stress of very insignificant wee neddie morons are difficult to ignore.  

When ah drive hame or roon greenock I huv a hunner nice things going through mah heed.   Naw daft wee insignificant neds.  
Why would I give suchlike the time of day?  

Yet naw that easily niggled at, surely.  

(Angela Lansbury.  Tut.   Ah widdah thought a man of your calibre wid have drummed up Angie Dickinson)

Yer imagination isnae very enthusiastic.   ; ).


Angie Dickinson was well before ma time.

Insignificant we neds in greenock - ha ha ha that's most of the population of that place, including the wallopers who are supposed tae run the place.

As fur bypassing it, that s quite difficult, best thing is not to stop, just mow doon any of the inhabitants who get in the road( chances are it'll be a scumbag anyways - nae great loss tae society or the gene pool)
Clash

Actually: I quite like Greenock Bern fur various reasons:

It's on the way tae Millport fur a start which is guid.

Last time I passed through it had a marina which had yachts bigger than maist people's hooses.

Ma folks lived in Helensburgh fur mair than 30 years and ah'm here tae tell you that Helensburgh leaves Greenock standing shithole-wise and I must confess that looking over to Greenock wis something that some o the fuckers wid aspire to.

Oddly enough I wis telt about this just last week. These folk were ma parents' next door neighbours and I know them well so beat that Greenock:

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news...fire-killer-scott-snowden-2154848
Bern

Is this a sign of maturing or simply an awareness that the bad guys are in among us too often.    The bad guys were mostly always out of sight.   Now they are in your face.    

The innocent should never have to pay for crimes committed against them.    They good folks should never have to  pay out if their own pocket.  

My family are all over the place across the water and they notice that their quiet peaceful world is over.    Too much in your face aggression from folks that are travelling to call centers for W*** or are unemployed selfish wee nutters that are blood suckers   There are too many dissatisfied people taking their angst out on their neighbours for whatever reason.    

It looks like I've fell into the trap of thinking the negative outweighs the good.   I've not.   See me....see rose tintit specs!

Thurs lots of good when you surround yourself with it.    

I hate bullies.    For obvious reasons..... See they sociopathic, psychopathic nutters, they are the ones that should break their backs working in prison to pay back what they destroyed.    

Sorry about your papa.  Hope your mum is coping.    I hope you are doing well too.    You are that  guy of FF that  I called the guy wae minnie layers.  

The layers underneath thon swearie, nottie guy showed through.  Yer just a big saft hearted laddie frum Edinbru.  

I doo like Aussie fitba
notanimby

Bern wrote:
Is this a sign of maturing or simply an awareness that the bad guys are in among us too often.    The bad guys were mostly always out of sight.   Now they are in your face.    

The innocent should never have to pay for crimes committed against them.    They good folks should never have to  pay out if their own pocket.  

My family are all over the place across the water and they notice that their quiet peaceful world is over.    Too much in your face aggression from folks that are travelling to call centers for W*** or are unemployed selfish wee nutters that are blood suckers   There are too many dissatisfied people taking their angst out on their neighbours for whatever reason.    

It looks like I've fell into the trap of thinking the negative outweighs the good.   I've not.   See me....see rose tintit specs!

Thurs lots of good when you surround yourself with it.    

I hate bullies.    For obvious reasons..... See they sociopathic, psychopathic nutters, they are the ones that should break their backs working in prison to pay back what they destroyed.    

Sorry about your papa.  Hope your mum is coping.    I hope you are doing well too.    You are that  guy of FF that  I called the guy wae minnie layers.  

The layers underneath thon swearie, nottie guy showed through.  Yer just a big saft hearted laddie frum Edinbru.  

I doo like Aussie fitba


Well that's greenock fur ye...........a veritable shithole
notanimby

Clash wrote:
Actually: I quite like Greenock Bern fur various reasons:

It's on the way tae Millport fur a start which is guid.

Last time I passed through it had a marina which had yachts bigger than maist people's hooses.

Ma folks lived in Helensburgh fur mair than 30 years and ah'm here tae tell you that Helensburgh leaves Greenock standing shithole-wise and I must confess that looking over to Greenock wis something that some o the fuckers wid aspire to.

Oddly enough I wis telt about this just last week. These folk were ma parents' next door neighbours and I know them well so beat that Greenock:

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news...fire-killer-scott-snowden-2154848


I had a guy who worked for me, he flitted frae Helensburgh tae barrheid, as he said Helensburgh was a shithole.
He obviously never paid much attention tae barrheid when he went looking furra new hoose
Monday efter he flitted, he comes intake W***, shocked that the aff-sales hudda metal grill over the counter
dosser

notanimby wrote:
shocked that the aff-sales hudda metal grill over the counter


A certain, now gone, shipyard in Leith used tae hae a metal grill ower the desk in the clocking-on howf tae stop the night shift smuggling hookers in.
ozneil

dosser wrote:

A certain, now gone, shipyard in Leith used tae hae a metal grill ower the desk in the clocking-on howf tae stop the night shift smuggling hookers in.


Nae wunner they built this boat wi' twa shairp ends

[img][/URL][/img]
Bern

My home town disnae need me to defend it.    It's full of  people that do that every day simply by being magnificent people.    
I am often shocked to see bars on windows too but the more I think of how the place I'm living in now copes with security it's naw any better here.    Lawyers, insurance companies, banks etc. have great big reinforced glass walls to keep out aggressive people.   Houses and shops have pretty iron scroll W*** on the windows and doors..... and fancy alarm systems.   It might look nicer than iron grills but it's all the same.    It's just esthetics.   Grills are cheaper.    
Makes me wonder if Greenock has more than its fair share of violence or if it just looks worse.  I could look it up but I prefer to drink wine and read a good murder mystery than look up statitstics.  

Beauty it all around me when I go back home to my folks and my part of Scotland.    I get spoiled rotton.  There is a wee bit of a culture change.    It's naw awe bobby sox and innersinse any merr.   I'm enjoying touching base again with people that know it now better than I do.    
Is it the same he world over?   Is the world not experiencing the same changes?    Naw sure yet.
notanimby

Bern wrote:
My home town disnae need me to defend it.    It's full of  people that do that every day simply by being magnificent people.    
I am often shocked to see bars on windows too but the more I think of how the place I'm living in now copes with security it's naw any better here.    Lawyers, insurance companies, banks etc. have great big reinforced glass walls to keep out aggressive people.   Houses and shops have pretty iron scroll W*** on the windows and doors..... and fancy alarm systems.   It might look nicer than iron grills but it's all the same.    It's just esthetics.   Grills are cheaper.    
Makes me wonder if Greenock has more than its fair share of violence or if it just looks worse.  I could look it up but I prefer to drink wine and read a good murder mystery than look up statitstics.  

Beauty it all around me when I go back home to my folks and my part of Scotland.    I get spoiled rotton.  There is a wee bit of a culture change.    It's naw awe bobby sox and innersinse any merr.   I'm enjoying touching base again with people that know it now better than I do.    
Is it the same he world over?   Is the world not experiencing the same changes?    Naw sure yet.


Aye greenock's changing, it's actually defying all laws of physeeks, biology and natural philosfae and getting even worser and worser

Jist when you thought it had reached the nadir of shitholeness, it pulls off another lunge tae the bottom.

Yes indeedy greenock sure knows how to excell at being a shithole, managing to sat ahead in the race to the bottom by even beating other shitholes like Coatbridge, Armadale, Cumnock ( auld n new) although they are daein their best east tae catch up.

Only a few demented  souls here still wear those rose tinted spectacles so favoured by the diaspora - they are called coonsilurs, maistly of the LIEBOOR SCUM variety, who seem convinced that someone is going to being thousands of jobs and save all
Clash

Jesus wept Nota; and I used tae think that Toronto wis an awfy place.
Clash

ozneil wrote:


Nae wunner they built this boat wi' twa shairp ends



Typical Oz homophobic joke Ozzie; you should be ashamed of yersel.
ozneil

Clash wrote:
ozneil wrote:


Nae wunner they built this boat wi' twa shairp ends



Typical Oz homophobic joke Ozzie; you should be ashamed of yersel.




You've just got a dirty mind!!!! Rolling Eyes
notanimby

Clash wrote:
Jesus wept Nota; and I used tae think that Toronto wis an awfy place.


I've always been impressed wae Toronto, they haven a rather excellent metro system. I've used it many a time

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