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Heidy

Ra Scots Pirates Cove.

Arhhaaarhhhhhhhh me 'earties we hus goat several lubbers tae jine oor motley crew annat,AG is Cut-throat Jake,Seaman Staines is obviouslie Clashie Boay,and Master Bates is none other than the wretch Boo!His Floozie the seadug Dee,kin be ra ships matriss,brw ra ship is ra Black Pig whit hus bin raised frae hur slumbers oan ra seabed,frae annur site in anuur time!(Ony merr fur jinin up kin sign ra ships article Alba) an wee Hoolie is ra Ships Dug,note the distinction atween the Ships Dug an the urr dug whit is reallie a hound!An a flea riddin matriss annaw...
Har....Ahar har de har an avast...............


Brw ships artikle#1 sais ye must poast in pirate...weel at least a wee bitty....
Ah wid suggest yese hiv an altir ego aka a sock fur yer pirit persona...gawn gie it a go........
Or Ahll greet............. Laughing
Heidy

Oh Arrrrrrr 'ere be some suggestions fur yer Pirate nemm me 'earties whit yese might oan pain o a keelhaulin, want tae perooz fur yersels............ http://www.piratenames.net/
Swab ra decks an yo ho fuggin ho......
Neil

Ah'm probly the only een here that's actually oot on the briney the noo. Ah'm on the opposite side o the continent fae they Somalis but if ony pirates show up here they'll get a puckle rockets up their airses.


Specially leki pirates.  Cool (twa ee patches)
Heidy

Avast an belay me hearties inty ra brig wi iss sarkie git! Cool
notanimby

Anti Pirate Water Cannons
Stop pirates from gaining access to your ship or yacht or board today!
www.piratesafe.com
SengaMcp

Oh Arr, ahmur ra Dread Pirate Roberts, urr else.
dosser

Heidy wrote:
Oh Arrrrrrr 'ere be some suggestions fur yer Pirate nemm me 'earties whit yese might oan pain o a keelhaulin, want tae perooz fur yersels............ http://www.piratenames.net/
Swab ra decks an yo ho fuggin ho......


Afore wan jines in wi' this, can ye explain sumthin?

Oan thon link tae Prirate Names, it mentions ra gender o' ra pirate, and ra gender o' sed pirate is indicatit by a colour. Sum is blue, sum is pink and sum is grey.

Noo ( tae pre-empt wur rezzydint pedant) I unnseretaun that "gender" used tae be a wurd used solely furra classification o' nouns in certain langwigis so that three genders - male, female and neuter - made sense.

Subsequently, hooever, gender hus becum reduced tae twa genders and used tae denote ra sex o' fowlk - includin' pirates.

So whit's this thurd gender pirate? We hiv a right tae ken. Ah mean, is walkin ra plank ra wurst whit's gonnae happen tae us, or are ye a bit free and careless in yer use o' ra cutlass?
Neil

Surely ye ken sailors are a lang time at sea... an it gets affa lonely...
Heidy

Right en,eftur thon ramblin loada shyte frae Dossur he is noo kent as Rodguur ra Cabin Boay! Laughing
Heidy

Haw Neil ye hiv tae talk pirate,Ahm surprised at a thrawn mannie likes yersel husny grasped ra concept yit,Oh Ahhhrrrr an belay! Rolling Eyes
Neil

Avast behind! Ah'm the anti-pirate.

Cool <---Blin Pew.
weejan

marning mateys
this is Ofpen Zance the beautiful cornish pirate maiden and I have taken control of WJs log in to say Arrr to you all.


I tried to registerrrr under my own fair name, given to me by my father, Capn Blacktoe - the most feared buccanneer and rum swiggler on the 7 seas - but to no avail. Fear not though shipmates, I shall wrest control from that landlubber when the sittyashun arises.

and we'll have no more talk of socks for me, I wear the finest lace stockings - easy lads - woven by mermaids from their tresses, under my skirts.
socks are for ruffians and cabin boys.

I'm off now to sharpen me cutlass and paint me nails, a maiden has to be ready for all happenings but I'll be back - never fear
notanimby

Av switched tae auto-pirate
Kelp Hag

Whar's the rum yea scurvy lubbers ?
weejan

Ofpen Zance says
too late mate
it's in me










do I need a different email addy to sign up as Ofpen?
SengaMcp

Oh Arr, ineed ye dae ma lass. An forty pieces o eight.
Kelp Hag

Neil wrote:
Avast behind! Ah'm the anti-pirate.

Cool <---Blin Pew.


Going astern are you?
Watch your topsails don't come aback.
You could end up Kelp diving with me. ( Lear  Hic )
notanimby

How come Heidy talkin like a pirate makes him sound like a wurzel?
Kelp Hag

Whisht!
We are only doing this to stop him greeting.
He can't afford the fluid loss.
The way that man gets his own way around here is little short of scandalous.
Anyone that didn't know him could be forgiven for thinking that he must be as cute as Hoolie.


The Lovely Dee does not count among the rational.
SengaMcp

He cairtinly yaps as much as Hoolie.
Lovely Dee

Kelp Hag wrote:
Whisht!
We are only doing this to stop him greeting.
He can't afford the fluid loss.
The way that man gets his own way around here is little short of scandalous.
Anyone that didn't know him could be forgiven for thinking that he must be as cute as Hoolie.


The Lovely Dee does not count among the rational
.


Not rational; how right you are Ms Hag, or rather should I say, how right you were. For, now the scales have fallen from mine eyes and I see things clearly now. By the way, I do like your chapeau; I used to have one very similar when I was younger. I purchased it from a small select boutique in Frith street called Miss Millie’s the Milliner for discerning ladies, do you know of it?

Anyway, to return to the subject. I was , I freely admit, attracted to that person until he, inadvertently I’m sure, “came out.” I was distraught, Ms Hag, thoroughly, completely and utterly distrait. My dear mama also suffered from this malady, this overpowering urge; this yearning to debase oneself in front of the lower classes. It’s a sickness and I know I should seek help but when confronted by “ a bit of rough,” all decorum simply flies through the Georgian casements and I’m a limp slave to his every whim. Or rather was!

I would picture him, shiny with sweat and reeking of body odour, made fouler by the ingestion of the previous night’s porridge curry or whatever rough Scottish leckies eat, and I’d shudder, Ms Hag; shudder with an atavistic longing that was almost impossible to control. Thank god for the training I received at Roedean and Cheltenham Ladies’ College otherwise I would surely have made an ass - pardon my French - of myself. I now see the reason why he became a leckie; simply in order to be surrounded by men day and night. I’ve never come across a female leckie; are all leckies gay? It’s possible I suppose.

Where once I pictured him striding through the heather and bracken in his little kilt, swinging his toolbag  as he gaily whistled some old Scottish song, heading towards some emergency electrical fault in a “wee bill and ben,” I see him mincing towards a Dumbarton public convenience for an assignation with like-minded chaps.

I f he finds that he needs to share his cot with a person of matching genitals then I say, good luck to you Heidy; I hope you find what you’re looking for. And, even now, after all the things we’ve shared, all you’re teasing - “youse is a fuckin’ hound,” which used to make me giggle, Even now, when some people would consider it reasonable for me to grab your grimy neck and squeeze until your tiny body lay limp on the ground … I forgive you. Take care, my dear, and always use a condom.
Kelp Hag

Oh Mistress Dee; your piteous plight has brought a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat.
Who am I to judge or turn my back on a fellow woman sufferer?

With all deference to your elevated position; I humbly offer a simple solution to alleviate your terrible affliction.

You could emigrate.
There is no rougher more  odoriferous  man in the world than a Southern man.

I could put up a small picture, but out of deference to your finer feelings I shall not.

We do not want you  jumping on the first airplane all of a lather now do we?

As a fellow sufferer from visceral longings that can never see the of day (I would be behind bars) I will do anything to help a fellow afflictee.

I am so pleased you  like my hat; it could even be the one you had; as most of the pre-loved clothing I wear, comes from superior emporium in London Paris & Rome.

Take heart dear lady, where there is a good one there is always a better one; as my late dear Mother always counseled  me..

Humbly yours
Kelp Hag
Lovely Dee

Oh, don’t talk to me about “Southern” men! As a magistrate I’m often confronted with our Antipodean cousins. I had one up before me just last week. The usual type, you know … spent the night in the cells but still tipsy when arraigned before me the next morning. This one was a bit special though, he was wearing the usual “budgie smuggler” speedos and the ubiquitous flip flops but the charges were a tad more esoteric than the typical “ urinating in a public space,” or “ drunk in charge of a stuffed koala bear, “ that is my normal fare.

I asked the clerk of the court to read out his name, antecedents, charges etc and she said,
“The defendant insists his name is Billy Bong and claims he was “fitted up, “ by “jealous poofter pommy bastards“. The charges are that on the 2nd June 2009 in the environs of Regents Park, to wit, the childrens’ petting zoo, the said Billy Bong did molest, and otherwise assault in a sexual manner, one three year old sheep named Sharon … a firm favourite with the little children. He is also charged with issuing threats to aforementioned children and their assorted mothers and nannies who attempted to prise him off Sharon the sheep.”

“How do you plead?” I asked him.

“Listen, Sheila, that Sharon was gagging for it. She walked past me several times waggling her arse and giving me the old come on. Any self respecting red-blooded Aussie would do what I did…. I plead not guilty by reason of drink.”

“But, in heavens name, how could you possibly indulge in such a foul practice with an innocent sheep and in front of mothers and children too, “ I enquired of him.

“Right, well for one, she was asking for it. Two, the kiddies have got to learn the facts of life sometime, the sooner the better, in fact their bleeding mothers should have been grateful to me instead of assaulting me. And three, I would never, ever have it off with a jumbuck if there was a kangaroo in the vicinity. Give me a tight arsed ‘roo any day of the week … what are you doing after the court’s done, Sheila, you look like you could do with a good rogering yerself?”

Ms Hag, there’s rough and there’s rough but this chap took roughness to a new dimension. I believe that you, quite properly,  reside in a more refined area of the Antipodes. I just hope and pray that the men folk in your bailiwick are not as my Mr Billy Bong.

I gave him six moths without the option.


PS
Your headgear  is not one of my former chapeaus. I remembered that I accidentally set fire to it on a Hades themed Magistrates night out. I gave an impromptu speech  in favour of bring back burning at the stake.
notascot

I think your honour you must have misheard the poor antipodean resident who it appears was much more likely to  to have been well & truly lumbered by the local plod. He would never ever have said rogered, unless of course he was from Melbourne where all sorts of strange thing are said & done, he would have said "rooted".

On reflection it was probably a disgruntled pommy walloper who verballed him as a pay back for a long series of sporting losses to both of the countries from the Antipodes.
Lovely Dee

Hmmm ... not impossible, notascot. Not impossible at all. Smile
SengaMcp

Aunty wrote:
Swedish pirates capture EU seat

Sweden's Pirate Party has won a seat in the European Parliament.

Oh Arr me hearties, we've missed a trick.
Fey Hag

Bloody fantastic  
That is their reaction to the same sort of filthy law they tried to bring in here in NZ
We need more Pirate parties to wrest back the freedom of the people from the greedy manipulators.

Aftur ah git oop fra fanning masel 'n recover fra yir grafik descriptions Mistruss Dee.
Ah'll explain ra differance atween a Nossie an a real Southern Soothland New Zealand mon whit traces his roots fae Skoatlun.

Ut's a sad tale bit troo. Och 'n thy dinna shag sheep, in point uv fact they dinna shag much  ----- sigh Confused More later ah'm still shell shocked Embarassed

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