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Heidy

Ra Lekii's Couch.........

Jist tae let yese know that ra wee couch at ra back o ma shed here is opin tae those o yese wi problims o ra mind an life annat.......
Ma great experience wi things infinit is availibil tae yese aw...Iss offir disny apply tae Clashie boay cos he disny huv a mind or a life o his ain,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,




Puir currint that he is.............. aw say Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  Rolling Eyes
Hollowhorn

Hullo err, Heidy. Wanna ma light bulbs hus went oot, ma kwestyin tae yoo is, see as how ah cum fae Paisley annat, how minny nayburs wull ah need tae get in tae help me chinge it?  Confused
SengaMcp

Dear Doctur,

Sum fool gied us a cupla gerbils. Thur baith males and seriously in hate wi wan anither. Shuid ah jist let thum get oan wi thur Glesca kissin, ur separate thum?
Heidy

fur ra paisley lepuur...Ah wid recomend gettin a few o yer neebuurs ragethuur an steamin inty yer loacal haimbase wher if yese create enuff o a distraction ye wull manage tae hauf inch a coupla ra new energy effishunt litebulbs an dae ra needfu back ay yer two up huvil....
Pey ra nurse oan ra wey oot............
Heidy

Senga as we aw ken yer an anmil luvuur annat get yersel a wee rubbuur moose frae ra pet shoap an wi a stanley knife ahm sure ye cuild approximitlie carve a wee front bum onit tae simyoolate a wummin gerbil...an boabs yer muthers brither annat...they cuild take it in turns as they ur randy wee buggurs an ye wull need tae cleen the rubbuur moose/wummin gerbil substitute oot a few times a week.............
Pey ra nurse oan ra wey oot...........
dosser

SengaMcp wrote:
Dear Doctur,

Sum fool gied us a cupla gerbils. Thur baith males and seriously in hate wi wan anither. Shuid ah jist let thum get oan wi thur Glesca kissin, ur separate thum?


Ah'm promotin mahsell tae tempry assistant Doactur Leki.

Ra Dosserette hud twa male gerbils when she wiz wee and they got on fine However, fae when Ah wiz reading-up aboot them at the time, Ah seem tae recall that twa males aye get oan fineand twa females aye get on fine. But, if ye've a male an' a female, they'll only get on fine when ra female is "in the mood" - which isnae very often and no' fer very lang.

Ye've goat a male an' female, hen, and soon yer gonnae hae mair.
AG

Ye could ayewis make some gerbil couscous
ayrshiretattie

Question. How come oor dug goes absolutely mental every time somebody in the hoose sneezes?

Berserk, he goes. Sharp yelps, runs from the room to his toy box and brings ye back a burst football, which he then worries to death in front of ye.

He'll do it even before ye get to the sneeze, when ye're just goin "ah....ahhh" and before ye get to go "....CHOOO!!"

Any info appreciated. Shocked




<....is dugs allowed in?...>
SengaMcp

Huvny a scooby Ayrie, thon's a new wan oan me. Ah've hud wan wit chases reflections, but nae barkin at sneezers.

Aye, dugs is allowit, Loulou tells me she'll be in wi Inky an Blott as soon as she's finished teachin thum tae type.
Fey Hag

Ah had a wee Loon whit larfed his sel sick ivry time ra cat sneezed.

He must be relatid tae yir dug.
dosser

Please, Leki Doactur person, ye huv tae help me. Ah'm at mah wits end, so Ah'm ur.

It a' stertit when Ah stopped da'en ra Lottery. Waste o' bluidy money, Ah thocht, so Ah packed it in. The trouble is, Ah cannae get the bluidy numbers oot o' mah heid. The result is, Ah'm goin' aboot bluidy mental every Wednesday and Friday, worrying that they bluidy numbers finally will come up.

While ther millions o' people up an' doon the country, every Wednesday and Seturday, goin' Please Goad, honest, if ye let me win, Ah'll be guid the rest o' mah days and gie tae cherity an be a nicer person annat there's me - a atheist, BRW - going Please Goad, dinnae make these numbers come up. PLEASE!!!

And Ah'm feart that wi Him bein' omniptint an' all-knowin' annat, He's bound tae ken Ah dinnae b'lieve in him...... So he's gonnae punish me, int he. He's gonnae make they bluidy numbers come up jist tae spite me.

And then theres ra dreams, doactur. Oh ra dreams is jist affie. Ah cannae sleep. In the dreams, mah numbers dae come up and Mrs dosser's no' at a' pleased wi' me. Ye tight fistit scunner ye! she rants We cuild o' been rich. We cuild o' been in lugshry. But, oh no. You wantit tae save a piddlin' coupla quid, ye useless selfish shitebag. You'd rather o' saved a coupla quid than investit it in ra financial security an' wellbeing o' yer ane fam.....Her rant stops there. Ah think that must be the point when wan o' the kitchen impliments she's chuckin at me finds its mark.

Can ye help me doactur? Ye've goat tae help me! Jist make the numbers go away.

[sortit]Dun ah hink. Ed[/sortit]
dosser

Ye see whit Ah mean? Mah heid's fa'en apart. Ah cannae even w**k ra itlalics richt.
Heidy

dosser wrote:
Please, Leki Doactur person, ye huv tae help me. Ah'm at mah wits end, so Ah'm ur.

It a' stertit when Ah stopped da'en............................. greet greet greet .............

Buy a fuggin ticket ya tite arsed sod...........
Pey ra nurse oan ra wey oot thank you.......
Next!
dosser

Heidy wrote:
dosser wrote:
Please, Leki Doactur person, ye huv tae help me. Ah'm at mah wits end, so Ah'm ur.

It a' stertit when Ah stopped da'en............................. greet greet greet .............

Buy a fuggin ticket ya tite arsed sod...........
Pey ra nurse oan ra wey oot thank you.......
Next!


Aye, that's really helpfu', doactur. The solution tae mah proablem is jist tae gie in tae it. Jist let they bastirts at Camelot keep on winnin', eh? Weel, Ah'd never o' thocht o' that wan. Oh aye, pure Leki genius, that wan.

And Ah'll jist pay yer nurse oot o' mah winnin's then, will Ah?

Nurse mah erse. Thon's Clash in a frock. And the couch is nae mair than the back seat ripped oot a auld Ford Prefect...... mutter, mutter.....
ayrshiretattie

I'm wi the doactur. Play!

2 quid a week is no brekkin the bank, Camelot will still be rakin it in whether you play or not, you're no making an ounce of diffrins to their profits.

And just seriously consider how you would feel if your numbers - your special numbers that ye picked because they're significant in your life - ever did come up and ye hadnae played... can you imagine how sick ye'd feel??

Play!!
Neil

P.T. Barnum wiz richt.
SengaMcp

Tae quote Ella Fitzgerald: "It's a Barnum and Bailey world".
Neil

But it wuidna be mak believe if yoo believed in me!
SengaMcp

Heidy

Whits ra script here? Ah take a daunir doon tae ma hut an wis goannie gie ra couch a wee wipe wi thon disinfektint thingies cos ra last cu...erm patient that wis lyin onit hudny washed or wiped his arse in a week, an ther hud bin some "seepidje" tae pit it politelie an here Ah find oot that some theevin swines hud made aff wi it..wis near cawin oot a swat team tae hunt ra perrpetraytirs doon when Ah notissed a wee note sayin that it wis mooved tae its ain buildin oan patient confidentialitie grounds...
Fuxake the byoorawkrissy nooadays..... Confused
Rolling Eyes
Heidy

Aw iss furnitchuur shiftin its like changin rooms annat...hehehe...wummins eh...shift iss try iss wallpaypuur whit next eh?
haw haw  Very Happy

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