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P and M jokes....

Doant bother poastin aboot stereotypin racism  an aw ra ither pish....Ah think ther funny.....

Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.

It was a disaster!

Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

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A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.

Paddy ordered a whisky.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"

Paddy handed his drink back and said

"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! Itís your f***ing plane!"

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Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off,
I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts


Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't W*** in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

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Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".
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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole feckin' bed by the looks of it!"

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Q.. What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?

A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!

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Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U...S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.

He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

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Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"

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Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.

Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"

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Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"

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Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London !"

Haha ta Heidy, some corkers therr.

Ah think wur aw* broadminded enuff and no too up oorsels in here tae be able tae appreciate thit they ur jist jokes.

* Weel mibbaes except wan.

p and m jokes/Heidy:

Guid post Heidy,
ah wis beginnin tae think ye had loast yur sense of humour.
Fey Hag

Och aye, sum things niver chenge!  Shocked

Ah'm pleased tae sey.

Paddy decides to take up a new occupation an he thinks he will become a profeshnil he goes fur his medical annat an ra Doc sais tae him well Paddy ye huv sugar Paddy sais when dae Ah fight him en.....

Wee boay watchin Father Ted oan tv and he sais tae his paw...haw Paw if Father Ted dies wull he go tae heaven an his Da sais of course he will son,Father Ted isny a real priest!

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