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dosser

Left hand thried or right.....

Ah wiz oan Mull fur a few days last week. Since gettin' hame, mah dug deleloped a wart on his snout...... 'cept it's no' a wart: it's a rapidly growing sheep tick.

Ah've hud this problem before wi' anither dug years ago, but Ah cannae remember whether ye remove them by turning them tae the left or right.

Ah think it's tae the left. Am Ah richt or wrang?
dosser

Weel, thanks fer nu'hin, ye useless shower. Ye're ower late.

It's drapped aff - somewhere in the hoose.

Whit's the next phase o' the tick's developement? Wi' my luck, it'll be a giant dosser-eating vampire tick.
Celyn

dosser wrote:
... Wi' my luck, it'll be a giant dosser-eating vampire tick.


Oh yes, I think you're right.   Alas, poor dosser, his time is nearly up. Tick Tock. Tick tock.

I never heard that thing about twist it to the left or right.    Interesting. Hey, mibbe it matters what side of the equator you are on.     Laughing

Once a friend's cat had a tick, and we took it to the vet.   Vet said "well, I see you are a new cat owner and concerned and if you want to come and give me money every time your cat gets a tick, that's fine, but what you can do is get a cigarette - no, shut up and never mind that you don't smoke - find a friend who does and borrow one or go into shop and buy a pack of ten - apply lighted cigarette to tick, tick gets unhappy and retracts, problem solved".

Turns out with a bit of googling, that is NOT a great idea as the unhappy tick might exude all sort of nasties into the wound.   Mibbe it was a really sneaky vet.   Laughing

I think ticks can give you Lyme disease before they turn into giant dosser-eating vampire ticks.
dosser

Lymes Disease....... No' sure I fancy that.

Shame aboot a' the joint pains, facial paralysis and ither symtoms, but lookin' on the bright side, maybe if I taste o' lymes, the giant dosser-eating vampire tick'll find me inedible.
Celyn

Dunno, add a bit or gin or vodka to the limes ...... very palatable.

Oh, different kind of lyme.   I suppose it matters whether the vampire tick is good at spelling.  Will it be a literate dosser-eating giant vampire tick, d'ye think?
dosser

Celyn wrote:
I suppose it matters whether the vampire tick is good at spelling.  Will it be a literate dosser-eating giant vampire tick, d'ye think?


If it is, Ah'm saif.

(Akshly, Ah jist found the wee bugger. He wiz - Ah kid ye not - tryin' tae eat a leather setee. He has now suffered the same fate as Joan of Arc. Maybe in the fullness o' time, he'll be kent as Saint Giant dosser-Eating Vampire Tick.)
Celyn

Oh, so you won't be needing us to write laments or epitaphs, then?  What a waste

Oh doctor quick
dosser is sick
bitten by tick
big vampire tick
end of dosser - tragic

Actually, dogs being dogs, I'm surprised the dog didn't try to eat the thing afore you managed to burn it at the stake.  Smile   Mine used to try to eat wasps, which I never thought very wise.
Neil

For future reference (Ah got this fae a vet ae time oor dog got a tick) ye dab a wee bit alcohol on the wee bastard. It gets drunk an draps aff, then ye kill it.

Ye dinna need tae waste the guid stuff, surgical spirit will dae the trick.
dosser

Waste guid surgical spirit oan a fuckin' dug????

Thon stuff goes doon a treat wi a bit o' ice an' a twist o' lemon.
Neil

Shuidn't that be lyme rather than lemon?
Celyn

PLUS, you can always add a dash of meths for a wee touch of colour and sophistication.
ozneil

meths is good for ticks dont pull the bastards off as they are liable to leave their head behind and it suppurates. Meths will kill them.
notanimby

Celyn wrote:
PLUS, you can always add a dash of meths for a wee touch of colour and sophistication.


Only when you mix it wae milk, or is that the belaire am thinking of?

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