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SengaMcp

A letter to your pets

The following was found posted very low on a
refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR
and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.
I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from
the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or
get your paw under the edge in an attempt to
open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered.. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is:
Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or
cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(Cool don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..
Boudleaux C Merkin

And of course you can quite legally murder your pet which you can't do to a human being ... yet. Very Happy
Fey Hag

Quote:
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..

I wonder why this resonates with me.

Niver had inny animal projuice we oot permishun.
SengaMcp

Fey Hag wrote:
Quote:
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..

I wonder why this resonates with me.

Niver had inny animal projuice we oot permishun.

In writin, in triplicate?
Fey Hag

Aye; while standing at Tenshun.
notanimby

Re: A letter to your pets

SengaMcp wrote:
The following was found posted very low on a
refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR
and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.
I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from
the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or
get your paw under the edge in an attempt to
open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered.. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is:
Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or
cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(Cool don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..



Ah ra story ov evryday life in oor hoose

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